Waitng game

Copy from my old blog.

The wait for exam results is horrible. 2 weeks left and it feels like forever. I have a feeling I am resitting one of them which is disappointing really considering I new the subject. I just forget it in the exam and then remembered it when I came out. Simple things threw me in that exam like not realising that s+1 was the same as 1+s. I mean hoe silly is that. The lecturer is going to think I am a complete idiot. I feel so stupid. But I was talking to a tutor about it and he suggested it was dyslexia related something to do with a processing disorder thing. I wasn't sure what he was on about but basically he said it is common to not see the link between things that you do now and that your memory could figure it out in 1 minute time or an hour time or never. Just my luck it waited till I got out of the exam. If I resit I hope the same doesn't happen again. In the other exams I think I did pretty bad on one and ok on another and pretty well on another one. Basically the marks will not reflect what I now and will not reflect the effort I put in. Story of my life. On the good side I found out unofficially that my dissertation mark was good don't no exactly what it is yet though.

I found out 2 weeks later that I had past my exams with a first.

Made my day

A friend was waiting to go do her viva presentation and found this outside the room. It is a poster I made for a presentation I did in December. She found it hanging on the wall of fame outside the room. Look it even had its own display cabinet so nobody will be drawing beards and specs on my poster. That made my day because things like this don't happen to me.

Don't now what to do

It feels really funny I have now finished my degree well apart from waiting for results and then possibly resits. It feels funny to have some spare time. I just don't now what to do with it. I was having some vivaldi therapy you can't beat the classics aaaahhhh. So I had my viva presentation earlier today and it went really well. This was the final piece of work for my dissertation module. I wish every subject had a presentation at the end instead of am exam because I would get great marks for the end of year tests. Oh well maybe one day alternative exam methods will come in and we might get to choose how we sit the exams. For me oral exams would be great. Ok so back to my presentation. I was told it was exactly what a professional engineer would give. Good slides. Well balanced content. Nothing mising. Spot on timing. Good technical detail. It was great to hear the feedback straight away. I thought we might not get any. Ok I will leave on a good note.

Nearly done

I had my last exam yesterday and I think it went ok. I will not exactly be a fantastic mark and definitely not the mark I deserve but I think it will pass. I had a reader who was good at reading and who asked if his reading speed was ok. I did ask him to speed up because its hard work remembering what has been said when the pace of the reading is so slow. I thought it wasn't going to get off to a great start because the guy didn't seem to be listening to me when I was showing him what to read and nor read but I think I got my point over eventually. I was a bit intimidated though that he wanted to sit right next to me. I don't no if its a dyslexia thing or if its just me but the thought of having somebody watch me as I rite nearly makes me have a panic attack - well not quite but it does make me go all sweaty and panic a bit. I told him I wouldn't need him for a while and he could just go and sit over on the other side of the room until I cold him. I think he thought I was a bit to direct but it had to be done. Anyway that is the last of the exams until the resits of which I think I will be sitting one of them. I also have a presentation to on Friday about my final year project. It will not be much fun but it beats exams. I usually do ok with presentations because I memorise it completely and don't need to rely on prompt cards - well there is no point since I could never read them fast enough. The result is usually a presentation which looks a bit more professional. I had a funny thing happen today at uni. Ok it wasn't funny ha ha but it left me feeling a bit blah. One of the administrators at uni was on about supervising the special needs exams like mine - I don't no why but that phrase special needs just kind of hit a nerve and make me feel odd. I don't no what better phrase there wood be but that just felt odd.This picture below was posted on another website but I thought it was worthy of a mention here I thought it was funny but maybe you wood have to be me to find it funny.

Horrible exam

Not much to say todays exam was a disaster. I forgot the things I new and the questions made no sense. Even with the reader I couldn't figure out what I was being asked. Its worrying though because this is a subject I am good at. If I can do so badly with a subject I am good at then just how bad can I do with a subject I am not good at. On Monday I have a exam for a subject I am not good at. Needless to say I am very worried.

2 down

I had my second exam today a maths based subject and alot harder than I had expected. Ok so here is how it went.I got to the exam room a few minutes early again so that I could familiarise myself with the reader and invigilator. The invigilator I thought was going to be really stuffy and intimidating but he came over and shook my hand and introduced himself and seemed really nice. The reader was also really friendly and I could tell she had alot of experience. I used an exam paper that I had been using for revision to point out what I would and wouldn't need her to read. I asked her to read all the wordy bits and to just not bother with the mathematical symbols and formulas if I couldn't manage even them there would be no hope for me passing the exam! We agreed that she would read through the entire section A of the paper and that I would choose the first question and then take it from there. So with the invigilator sat directly in front and watching my every move and with the reader sat right behind burning holes into the back of my head we started the exam 5 minutes early.About an hour into the exam one of the disability administrators came in to see that everything was going ok and had the nerve to ask me if I was having fun. Oh yes this is what I do for fun. There wasn't actually to much for the reader to read from the exam paper with it being quite a maths based module. At the end of the exam I asked her to read the question again and then my answer to it so I could see if I answered the right thing. I did spot a couple of mistakes where my answer didn't seem to say what I thought it had and I had enough time to correct those mistakes before my extra time ran out.So far the reader system seems to be working really well for me. It isn't as intimidating as I thought actually it has been LESS intimidating than being in a big exam hall. Another bonus is that I don't get distracted by everything else going on in the exam room. I wish I had used a reader in my previous years exams now. I have another exam on Wednesday nest week wish me luck.

First exam done

I had my first exam with my new system this morning. I feel like it went ok which makes me wonder if I missed something. I felt really nervous as I went in the exam room. Not because I felt unprepared or anything because I did loads of work for the exam but more because it did feel instantly intimidating as soon as I walked in there. The invigilator had all her stuff out on the desk next to my place setting and the reader had all his out on the other side next to me - so that would be it. 4 hours spent sandwiched between 2 people. I don't think so! The invigilator introduced herself and thankfully asked me where I would like to sit so I explained that I didn't mind really but would find it a bit intimidating if she was actually SHARING my desk. In the end she opted to sit behind me which was quite a nice arrangement as it reduced the intimidation a bit. I turned up to the exam a bit early so that I could talk to the reader and find out how they normally operate this being my first time to use a reader and was told that it was his first time as well. I felt a bit worried then that he might not be so good but he was actually very good for a first timer. He ended up sitting behind me with the invigilator and I just called him over when I needed him. It was quite a wordy exam so he came in handy. I knew I would never last the 3hour 45 minute exam without a loo break though so at half time I asked to go it was a welcome 2 minute break where I could stretch my legs a bit at least. I wasn't so keen that she came into the loos with me. I hate that peeing in public thing but I understand why she needed to do it. I think the same woman is doing one of my exams next week as well it would be good if I could have the same reader since I now got used to him but he says he isn't doing any more of mine. About 3 hours into the exam I noticed a mistake on the exam paper and then got really confused trying to figure out what to do. The invigilator ended up timing out the exam so she could go and find my tutor to ask him what I should do. All in all I think the system worked pretty well - and the reader definitely helped me to answer the question right.

About that reader

I met with the school disability coordinator this week so he could explain about how the reader can help me with my exams. He said the reader can read the questions as many times as I want and can read my answers back to me but can't prompt me about spelling or anything else. He did say though that if I ask the reader to read back my answers I will get a good idea whether the tutor is likely to be able to read it and if there are any misleading spelling mistakes. I hope he is right because this year I don't think I can use a spell checker in exams it depends if the tutor is marking spelling and grammar which I think they all are this year. The coordinator explained that I will have my exam papers in larger font (definitely will make reading it easier) and my exams separate to the other students (normally I have them in a room with other dyslexia students who need extra time) and that there will be me and a reader and an invigilator there. One thing that does worry me is if this might be a bit intimidating. Will let you know how that one goes.

Exam preparing

The exams are getting closer and I wish I could say I have had time to even start revision. Normally with my bad memory I have to start revising in January for exams in April/May but this year with my dissertation I just haven't had time. I wouldn't mind but I couldn't have worked any harder so I don't know what went wrong really. I have met with the school disability administrator to check that they have me on there special provisions list for the upcoming exams and she has referred me to the disability coordinator to clear up the issue about the reader.

Exams getting closer

I think I mention before that my dyslexia tutor at university is trying to see if I can have any more extra help in the exams. I get extra time which allows me to read questions slower and to take more time to write the answers. But it does not really help with proof reading what I actually wrote. When I rite assignments normally I word process them and then use texthelp read and write to reed it back to me. That way I can spot any mistakes. Obviously I can't do this in the exam because I have to hand write my answers. My DT was trying to see if the exams office will let me use a reader or something in exams. The obvious choice would have been word processor but most of my questions are maths type and lots of short answer questions. Anyway I got a email from the disability office at the university saying the needs assessor said that in his opinion I would benefit form a reader in the exams. That means someone can read the question to me and then when I've finished writing my answers they will read them back to me. they are not allowed to ask me to explain what I mean but I am allowed to say that a word was meant to be something else. Hopefully it will help because normally my exam grade does not reflect what I no or how much work I put in.

Dyslexia is not a gift

I was reading some thing today that court my interest. I am not sure if I was interested or annoyed really. It was a book by someone who name I Carnot remember but it was called something like the gift of dyslexia. It was basically saying that dyslexia is a gift because people who have it can do this that and the other. Personal I think its rubbish. that's just my opinion but I really feel that my dyslexia is no gift and I have a feeling allot of other people with dyslexia will feel the same. I cant help but dwell on all the things it holds me back on rather than all the things it helps me do. for won thing being able to think outside the box is great if you also understand what is happening inside the box if you get what i mean. Another thing is this big picture thing. Let me explain. I've seen it a few times that people say people with dyslexia are good at seeing the big picture. I don't think that comes easier for me than anyone else but I think I always need to understand the big picture before I can understand the smaller pieces. Which is a real problem when lecturers always teach the small pieces first so that you can make up the big picture. Its kind of like my brain works back to front. It is frustrating. Its annoying. And it feels like a disability in itself let me tell you. Did annoy one ever tell you how much Autocad sucks. Really it does. Sorry I am having one of them days were I am getting nowhere. When it comes to computer packages I am really bad. Even if it is a program I use allot I still forget how to get around the menus and what different buttons mean. I wish I could remember these simper things because it drives me mad. When we learn Autocad in first year I was the class idiot and had to have remedial lessons. I felt such a twit that at my age I couldn't Master a set of simple instructions. I just kept forgetting what the tutor said and what the buttons were for. Me and the tutor were both frustrated as each other. Well I guess I had better go finish off these drawings.

Dyslexia and writing

A friend was just asking me about weather people with dyslexia usually have bad writing. I guess it is common going by what my dyslexia tutor says but I guess there are people with dyslexia who have good writing and there will be people with out dyslexia who have bad writing. The problem with mine is it is ok if I can take my time but if I am rushed like in exams then it is difficult to read. I had put a sample here so you can see what I mean. I learn later how to write joined up so one of them is different to the others.

This one is from a spelling test that my DT at uni gave me. I admit this was don on a really bad day and normally my writing is not quit as bad as that.

This one is taken from some homework we had to hand in at uni. I was really embarrassed at the state of it but had done my best with it.

This one was taken a year later after alot of handwriting practise. IT was still really slow and really difficult but looks more like an adults. I used a pen again pen as well which helps

To busy

Sorry there was no update lately but there was not much to write. Life is a bit samey here just now. Its all work work work with no time for fun.University work has been piling up and I am struggling to keep up just now. I have assignments coming out of my ears and just don't no which won to do first. My dynamics assignment is not going well because the software licence at university expired. And still we have not been given an extension so I will have to come into university to do that at the weekend. I look into buying the software for using at home like I did with all the other software we use but the company wanted me to buy a minimum of 10 student licences for £10,000. Needless to say I will not be buying it. I will just have to make the 100 mile round trip to university on a weekend. As if travelling 5 days a week was not enough. I'm not sure if I am just really bad at planning my time or if I have allot of work on. My dissertation is going very slow which is worrying given that it has to be due in a month. I met with my dyslexia tutor at university yesterday and she was asking about how the revision is going. What revision I haven't had time for doing assignments and reports and presentations and a dissertation as well as class work to keep up with. I have tried a few times but something else always demands my time. I just need 30 our days and everything will be fine. Anyway back to the tutor. She was asking me about if I word process exams. My handwriting is difficult to read to read at the best of times - but in exams it is worse and lately tutors have been complaining they can't reed what I'm written. The word processor idea wood not work for my exams because they are all maths and short answer questions. Word processor would be great fur long answer or essay questions. Anyway she is looking into getting me a reader so I can have someone read the questions to me and then read back my answer. Not sure how helpful that will be but I did not want to resort to having and amanuensis were you dictate your answers and they write it down. She also asked if I wanted some classroom support. Its a nice idea and would be useful but I'm in my 5th year now and I think it would be awkward suddenly having this support working appearing in my classes now. My needs assessment that was done when I was in first year is so out of date now and loads of things have changed so I have to have a new one. I am just waiting for an appointment. Well that is it for now. Does anyone even read this. I was just wondering.